There is always a guaranteed way to get into heaven and that is confess to all your sins, live on TV, with the names of co-conspirators as well.
I just thought of a great way for the current Pope to really make a name for himself as the one to stop so much evil pedo shit. Man, talk about rehabbing the image of the church (in the minds of people who pay little enough attention).
Live global broadcast of Trump doing confession with the pope. Trump info dumps either with a camera in the confession booth, or by making a public statement afterward as penance, even if he just reads a prepared statement in either case.
Then the pope says ok you’re going to heaven, and the rest of us try to get the gears of justice turning again.
If there is a heaven, and people like Trump get in, send me straight to hell.
GOD DAMNIT
I saw “Trump, 79…” And my heart thought that was an obituary and it knew joy. For one minor fleeting second.
That’s how I felt for that week-ish when he disappeared and no one was confirming he wasn’t dead.
Release the un redacted Epstein list
Create a universal healthcare system
Create free college
Abolish ice, Stop kidnapping people and pass a bipartisan immigration reform bill
Defund Israel
Defund palantir
Enact a 90% tax rate on capital gains and income over 1 million a year.
Hire back everyone you fired
Donate all your wealth to charity
It’s a start. Might not get you into heaven but you may get out of the deepest circle of hell
He’ll be fine. Trump is going to have a long healthy life because with modern conservatives, hell has a waiting list.
“You cannot serve both God and money.” (Matthew 6:24)
“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:25)
Kinda makes you wonder how it’s possible to be pro-capitalist and pro-Christian. Or… in other words, how it’s possible to ever be in compliance with Trump’s NSPM #7.
Fun fact, “camel” is a transcription error. It’s actually “It is easier for a (thick) rope to go through the eye of a needle…”
In the Greek the book is written in, κάμηλος means camel, while κάμιλος means (thick) rope. Translations in other languages of the time also say rope.
And just based on common sense, rope makes more sense.
The story I’d heard was not that it’s a transcription error, but closer to a pun. Readers would be familiar with the term for a ship’s rope, and the minor linguistic shift highlighted the absurdity of such an idea.
Interesting though about translations to other languages. I’ll have to dig further on the subject.
There is exactly one person in history who mentioned this supposed reference to a ship’s rope being referred to as a “camel.” The word in that context appeared nowhere else, including no other contemporaneous writing on ships and navigation. Not very credible, especially with the other evidence of a transcription error.
That is fun. TIL.
So it’s not a challenge for a rich person to extrude camels through eyes of needles?
God gives grace to those he blesses, or something idk.
I’ve actually been in a US Southern megachurch, that “interpreted” that verse.
They went on about how certain gates were called needles and camels fit through very nicely, they just had a different gate, maybe put down their stuff first.
I just remembered the gist: obey and God gives you stuff, your stuff is a symbol of your piety and proof that you are one of God’s chosen.
Yeah, as you’ve surmised, all that stuff about a gate called The Eye of a Needle is a complete fiction and has no basis in fact.
Evangelical Christianity has a fair amount of that kind of thing because they start from a conclusion and fit the Bible to their pedagogical narrative, whether explicitly classist (in your megachurch example) or that the Bible is perfectly integral (that there are no contradictions or mistranslations).
The “prosperity gospel” nonsense gave us this cruel idiot as president.
yup. its what I want is literal and what does not fit is metaphor.
Acts 2:43-47 “Life Among Believers”
All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having the goodwill of all the people.
The believers sold all their stuff, loved everyone, and things were great. If the US is a Christian nation, why aren’t we doing that? (Rhetorical)
Kinda makes you wonder how it’s possible to be pro-capitalist and pro-Christian.
Just say that you’re God’s special little boy. Then you’re free to commit as many sins you like.
This tells me that even he knows his candle’s sputtering out. I just hope he’s snuffed soon; it’d make a wonderful Christmas gift.
wow more kayfabe thanks OP i’ll put this in the kayfabe outhouse
“most associated name with a potential anti-christ ponders how he might not get into heaven”
“Hey! Welcome to Heaven! Congratulations! You lived a virtuous life free of sin and full of good deeds. How would you like to spend eternity?”
“Where’s Donald Trump!?!?”
“Uhh…he’s very much in Hell…he wasn’t exactly…Heaven…material.”
“Yeah, I know. I’d like to spend my eternity in Hell watching him burn!”
“sighs Are you sure? This is an eternity you’re talking about here.”
“Did I stutter?”
“sighs loudly No…no you didn’t, portal opens…”
“Ok, but all the good seats are taken. You’ll be way in the back at this point.”
It is hell after all
Oh, wow, really? Ok, was it all the child raping and the life of crime that makes him think this?
I’m guessing Trump got some bad news from a real doctor after his second “annual visit” to Walter Reed hospital.
I fucking hope so.
Fingers crossed it’s a nice bout of inoperable and debilitating cancer.
Got excited when I read “Trump, 79,…”
That would require heaven to be real first. Old man turnip knows this. We all saw how he holds a bible. His fundie bootlickers should realize this but since he hates the same things they do they’re blinded to the fact he hates them too.
And fuck Stephen Miller.
I don’t know that President Pedophile actually knows that heaven isn’t real.
He has the same understanding of heaven that my dad has. He believes if he is what he thinks a Christian is, he can just pretend to be sorry at the end and God has to let him in. However, he’s never actually paid any attention to anything the Bible says about what Jesus is.
Also, if it’s all just a bullshit scam to him, why would he ever suggest there’s a possibility that God wouldn’t embrace him? There’s no benefit to that, only risk. What if some of his deluded followers start to question if he was really sent by God?
As people age, they start to think about what comes next, and the idea of an afterlife is a lot more appealing than nothingness. I think a lot of non-religious older folks go all in on Pascal’s Wager when they are faced with their own mortality.
This.
Nearly every “Christian” I know acts like a.) they’ve never read their Bible and B.) their God has the mental capacity of a 7 year old child.
Catholics consider the idea that any living person can be sure of getting into heaven a heresy. Trump isn’t Catholic but he’s still not saying anything theologically controversial here.
That’s not at all a modern American “nondenominational” Protestant attitude though. If you are saved, you are supposed to be assured that you are getting into Heaven.
That’s true, and I think that Trump is actually not a Catholic theologian but rather that he is expressing the view, common among cultural Christians today, that God weighs a person’s good and bad deeds against each other. There’s still the hope for divine forgiveness in this view, but the abandonment of the idea of unearned grace is contrary to the teachings of every Christian denomination, as far as I know.
It’s just odd. Been reading Martin Luther lately and it’s the antithesis to everything he’s saying about faith versus works. And if he was Calvinist, his position in life would be part of being “elect” anyway.
It’s amazing that we have a wannabe theocrat who makes a mockery of the religion that is supposed to be supreme here. Everything’s made up and the points don’t matter.
I wouldn’t say that Trump is interested in being a theocrat - his movement pays lip service to Christianity as part of its nostalgic fantasy of America the way that it used to be, but the actual Christian conservative movement has been sidelined within the Republican party since 2016 (if not earlier). Trump and his inner circle care about Christianity only to the extent that it is a label that divides “us” from “them”.
This actually ties together a lot of his actions in the past while. This is what’s on his mind.
He thinks a Nobel peace prize will cancel out the other stuff. But he thinks it’s just the actual prize… Like it’s a secret key… Not the being a good person who deserves the prize.
Maybe he’s planning to argue his case with St. Peter and wants to accumulate proof of his deeds.
