Oh god…that word is going to be used for a week now, isn’t it?

And an undeniably, objectively false one at that!

gives you peanut butter and chocolate

That being said, this regeme might still give you death if you happen to be too brown.

lemmy.world is very very large and thus has a very very large number of obnoxious shitheads

Yeah? Yeah, you think so? Obnoxious? Yeah? You sayin’ there’s obnoxious shitheads round these parts? That what you’re sayin’? Just wanna be clear! Well you’re wrong! Lemmy.World isn’t large at all. The whole fediverse combined isn’t very large! Not like my penis! Can’t believe you said Lemmy.World is full of obnoxious shitheads! Why would you think that? Can I have $20? Your mom gave me $20! Heyyyoooo!!!

Dude. You’re missing out.

You can buy grapes, fresh from the store, and then…ya know. Totally pig out on delicious grapes.

I know it sounds like I’m starting off explaining some complex life hack that I never got to…but I’m not.

My way, you get to eat delicious grapes. Your way, you don’t. That’s the life hack. Eat grapes.

And not JUST grapes! Apples. Oranges. Strawberries. Watermelon. Pomegranate. Pears. Kiki. Mango. Raspberrys. Cherries. Grapefruit.

Most people don’t think of Lemons as a fruit, but they TOTALLY are. Actually tomatoes are a fruit too! Doesn’t seem like it, but they are!

Lots of tasty snacks! DUDE! YOU EVER HAVE A PLUM???

Just, not bananas. You can’t eat my hands, and MY HANDS ARE BANANAS!!!

I know you’re trying to convay chefs kiss, but I will always see that as the way you begin anal fisting.

Me: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh

Those certainly are some words that I understand seperately, but not together.

When people go to Netflix, they open the app, and scroll for 45 minutes trying to find the perfect movie or show.

Then they pass out on their couch in their underwear as their cat licks their ear to wake them up. Even the cat is like “c’mon dude. It’s bedtime”

And then you wake up the next day, and suddenly you got 40 missed notifications because your dad had a seizure last night, and is in the hospital. You would have heard the phone ring, but you were asleep. If you had been engaged, and watching the 1993 movie Super Mario Bros, you’d have heard your phone. But you got overwhelmed by choice, and fell asleep instead.

Now your dad thinks he’s Rodger Ebert, so he has started dressing in balerina tutu’s. You try to explain to him that Rodger Ebert never wore tutus. And he says “YES I DO!” as he starts doing dance moves from the 1950s.

All this because you couldn’t decide what to watch in your hubris of options!

I was going to thank you for introducing me to this new community.

Turns out I’m already joined.

…why are these not in my feed except once every few days then???

Cookies say bad things about the cookie monster. And so does Elmo. But thats only because Cookie Monster tickles Elmos no-no spot!

No no.

One of my only hopes in life is that Elon Musk gets to achieve his dream of living on Mars.

I’ll still live on Earth, but at least I won’t be on the same planet as him anymore.

Then we can take all the rich assholes, and send em to Mars.

More than that actually. There’s more than one way to be dumb. Religion isn’t the ONLY way.

Just gonna leave this here…for no real reason…

USA!!!

USA!!!

USA!!!

Actually I was thinking of the Lucky Charms leprochan.

Do you even remember the exact set? Depending on rarity, some of them SKYROCKETED in value.

Hey cousin! Remember that $20 lego set you owe me? Yeah. It costs $4,000 now.

…nudes? What context am I missing?

steals your cat

Now I love your cat instead.

Can he be played by Danny DeVito in the movie?